It is through self-management that we learn not to rush to advice-giving, interpretation, judgment, assumptions, and othering. And it is the skills of Paraphrasing, Reframing, and Acknowledging that help coaches respond in a more productive way. They let the speaker know that they have been heard and that you are sensitive on a feeling level. Once that happens, you can move forward to identify the next steps and accountability. Let’s further review these feedback skills.

Acknowledgement is the skill of articulating who the coachee is ‘being’ in terms of their contribution, achievements, and way they are dealing with challenges rather than just focusing on the results and issues. This enables you to coach their character first rather than their behavior. It is this feeling of being ‘known’ that creates the foundation for the coaching relationship and establishes the launching pad from which they will identify and move towards their goals.

Reframing is the art of offering another perspective or interpretation. Often coachees get locked into their own perceptions and projections and see our subjective interpretations as concrete fact, and certain habitual patterns as inflexible processes. By providing them with options and choices, coachees feel a sense of freedom and control and can start to play with possibilities in a situation that previously might have appeared limited, inevitable, and even hopeless. It is here that you can tap into the coaching skills of Intuition, where as the coach you trust your inner-knowing to speak an idea or insight about the client. If you have received permission and built trust with the coachee this is a no-fail option as a) either you say something that has great meaning to the coachee and they truly feel seen, heard, and understood, or b) you are off-base and in response the coachee replies with a counter-interpretation that clarifies their perspective for both you and themselves.

Accountability is the technique of ensuring the coachee does what they say they are going to do. Three primary questions help to set a structure for success including: What are you going to do? By when will you do this? and How will I know?

I also like to ask these secondary questions, What actions do you need to take? What obstacles might get in the way? And what values will you honor in achieving this result? This ties in the heartfelt emotions included in the model for HARD goals.

I give entire workshops on values as I believe they are the building block of life and from which all of our motives stem. By bringing them into Accountability & Goal Setting, it brings depth to the task at hand. Of course, sometimes it isn’t relevant as there are many occasions when things need to get done because it is just part of the job, but when you are helping people navigate change, take risks, enhance relationships, and grow in some way that takes them outside of their comfort zone, knowing their actions align with their values will make them a bit more comfortable and provide more inspiring motivation.